you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Too much gin, very little bucket
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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