Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think my moral compass just broke
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
