so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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