i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
