I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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