you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
These tits shall not be calmed
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
