i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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