my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
