I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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