Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
