you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
