Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
