get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
