i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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