not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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