i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize