If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
