You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
