You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
