I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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