i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
