ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
