she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
