I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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