You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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