i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
