Tell her she can't have a vagina
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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