i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
