Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Sober January is a disaster.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We need a shit load of segways right now
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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