i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
