He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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