So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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