If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
