my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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