I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
