you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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