Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
