Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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