She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
