Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My cat gives me a boner
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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