I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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