Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize