my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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