he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
