Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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