last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
