It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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