SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
