i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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