I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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