His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
