Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
