atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
