mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize