I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize