He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
