I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my sisters under your porch take her home
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
did i just pee glitter
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