Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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