awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
