oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize