White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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