I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
