Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
