Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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