Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
