I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
