Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
