TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
