Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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