I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
