Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
