I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
