I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
