I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sorry about my life...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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