I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
