He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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